Finally Figured

"Emanația cheamă trepanația" (Cațavencii, 1990).

How many times did i say that before? (That i finally figured).

About an hour ago i was sitting in the (small) bathtub full of very hot water just to get myself and especially my head (and ears) warmed up. How do i get so cold, kept asking myself. Cold enough for an infection to persist in that area including part of parotid glands, masseter muscle and adjacent lymph node. Symmetrical. I was not much outside in the cold today. It wasn't raining.

The woman upstairs came in the bathroom with me. I mean, in her bathroom, in the same time and kept squeaking for the same amount of time i was in there. Kept thinking. 12/22/2020 (for the next hour or so, local time). Last great numerological number of this critical turn of century and milenia. Last chance of the demented.

No matter what many would say, it was a good century. For the surviving that is. For those who lived in the last half of it. Unprecedented, unseen, unexpected scientific and technological advances in an impossible to follow (with our ordinary minds) rhythm made our lives in the same time way more comfortable, and why not, interesting. To me at least until i broke through the layers and layers of BS that came with it.

I won't go much further in that direction but instead come back to the theme i had in mind when i started it. Why my infection around ears that lasts for years if not decades.

I've been yesterday and two days ago (Sunday) outside in the cold rain, maybe for hours, though with a hoody and other things on my head, working on the car and got wet all over in temperatures near freezing. Pretty positive the building and parking spots where flooded with marijuana and/or cocaine smoke from reused and/or abused mole holes. That kept me outside, slow-moving, senseless and painless.

And Angela's Christmas present from a co-worker in her last day of work. A sleigh made of candy. Very common type of gifts in the US. I'm really sorry i didn't take a picture of it. However, unlike in other later years, Angela started to eat it. And after eating much of it she got hooked to that sugar and went and bought a cake. A red one with white "glaze", that is a layer of sugar and vegetable oils flavored with citric acid on top. Could not help but sample of it, only the red, less than honey-sweet dough part of it, pushing the "glazing" aside.

Interestingly enough, my blood sugar, which i kept monitoring these days, didn't go that high. Instead, i started to get headaches. Sugar diffusing (or even pumped) through salivary ducts back to the parotid glands that were already infected triggered instant headaches by spreading through lymph to my sinuses, eyes and all my head that lasted for hours and interestingly, a very intense perception of light and colors. From inflammation to eyes, i recon.

Until i got desperate enough to get some antibiotics. Which i again kept in my mouth instead of swallowing. Within ten minutes of the first 500 mg my headache, which was most intense since i had "viral meningitis" as a child (who knows what i really had, when my headache and fotofobia lasted for at least one week) was gone. Kept taking those for more than 24 hours now.

So what did i figure tonight. I was sitting in the bathtub and listening to the squeak upstairs that again seemed to follow the pattern of my thoughts, so annoying i would have gladly gone temporarily deaf just not to hear it. And that was it. I had a revelation.

Don't know exactly how they get their feedback. I mean, how they know when my head gets heated up with thoughts, ideas and excitement which generally is not, but at times may be sinful.

What happens i think as a reaction, my vegetative or autonomous or vegetable part of my brain literally tries to shut down hearing just to get rid of the (extremely) annoying sound and it does so by lowering blood flow in the area of the ears. Which may be a temporary defense mechanism that on a long term, if abused, may result in loss of the facial hair in that area as it happened to me, and persistent infections, which i was not aware for a long time. That may spread in different areas of the body as i said before. Capisci?

When it happened the first time? December 1995. Same type of kabala, alchemical neighbors upstairs. Back then, not having a clue i went, literally, crazy, got arrested by that b... from CNN, "Amanpour" and then 3 wonderful weeks in a mental hospital (the first time when i felt relaxed in the US), after first 6 stressful months of being here.