September 8

11:00 AM 911

1 :11 Mda creierul săracul e programat să functionate în acest ciclu motivație-recompensă. Dacă stăm tot timpul pe telefon recompensă în creier nu se mai întâmplă nimic. Ok poate o ușoară încălzire de la undele care sunt emise de telefon.

Dar nu cred că în majoritatea cazurilor anticiparea răsplatei declanșează ciclul. Frica poate fi un motivator mult mai puternic. Un exemplu. Frica de examene.

Sau furia care mă face să postez în cele mai multe cazuri. Lembke este un nume german, Ana apare de trei ori în postarea mea autobiografică unde sunt numeroase referințe la Germania, germani, și pot continua pentru mult timp despre aceste conexiuni ne-întâmplătoare.

Dar așa cum arată și titlul cărții, psihiatrii nu mai fac de mult psihanaliză care costă foarte mult, nebunii s-au înmulțit iar psihiatrii s-au specializat în a prescrie medicamente din care unele nu fac altceva decât să crească nivelul de dopamină, ce poate duce la pierderea motivației (adică ești ca un zombi al cărui creier nu funcționează, deci nici psihozele) iar nebunii se liniștesc dar în final  devii atât de dependent încât nu mai poți scăpa de ele și îți tot cresc doza etc. și îți aduc asemenea schimbări de personalitate (lipsa ciculului motivație - răsplată) încât nu mai poți face un job.

Scientologia folosește un tip de psihanaliză numită audit care la ei este obligatorie (pentru perfecționare, nu că ar fi toți nebuni) dar și pentru a strânge bani pentru biserică, care este mult mai ieftină fiindcă nu necesită un doctor cu diplomă și a declarat de mult război IRS medicamentelor psihiatrice. Este doamna?

Cred că doctorii ar trebui să se concentreze mai mult pe cauzele psihozelor, însă nu prin prin psihanaliză ci prin analiza mediului de viață sau cantitatea de poluare din viața unora generată de viața modernă, ca de exemplu noxele din locuințe sau în mașini pe stradă, iar în majoritatea cazurilor nu au ce face.

Normal că o internare în spital unde este mai curat conduce la liniștirea temporară, însă nu ne putem muta cu toții acolo.

Normal că persoanele cu activitate mentală mai intensă sunt mai vulnerabile la acești factori poluanți.

3:15 Neural circuits are made of axons and neurons and they are electrically conductive. Though per whole brain does not raise temperature a lot under exposure to microwave (cell phone) radiation, the circuits themselves might at least selectively get overloaded. Because electrical circuits act like small antennas and draw the energy of the radio waves upon themselves.

I think most people at least once accidentally put a piece of wire or foil in the microwave that uses same frequencies).

September 7

10:10 Fuego

September 6

2:15 AM

2:22

2:37 Till Eulenspiegel, Tule camp, Tualatin. 'Tula-i Doamne!

8:58 Or they could just watch the image above one minute a day.

9:00 MGGA. But it does not have the same maga.

BTW. These guys with moustache reminded me of the blond cook with moustache at the Tule grill at Indian Head last night who gave me a weird look while i was in line there. In the car i discovered he burnt my burger again. It was black (on one side only). One more thing.

As soon as i got there, (the real) people started to leave, there was a line at the end of parking lot. When i looked through the window from the only parking spot left what did i see. Yes at some point they were two cops from tribal police in the casino, but this was the first time i saw them patrolling among the machines. They were both taller than me also looking Indian.

Yes could have gotten back inside to ask for another one but it was raining, i was tired and all of the people there including the cook looked unfamiliar. It was like some task force took over the whole place and were acting like locals.

In the end i ate it and there was also some loud distorted bass pegging the subwoofer in a nearby car and the smell of cows from across the street and almost chocked (dysphagia). Also because i was was sort of paralyzed by the mole gas coming from a new hole i discovered under the deck when we left.

Sometimes i do spend time in the car because of being tired from the dangerous trip there.

9:07 If they were serious they would have picked a serious candidate against Trump.

9:55 In the car while going there we listened to music in sequence from my 6000 songs stick. Here came this funny song and we both started to laugh at also to release the tension after three accidents i avoided on the road, people pushing real close with modified high beams from behind) and i turned the volume up.

After i got in the parking lot at Indian Head i went to check the spark plugs, they sometimes get loose after replacing them though i wiped the threads with cotton balls before putting the new ones. They were ok but i had to go first thing to the restroom to wash my hands and two guys one after another came in with cups of beer raised at their head's heigh.

10:10 We left after midnight to avoid traffic but they were more than ever and all comming from the opposite, nobody was going our way. They did not get fewer not even at 2 AM. All blinding me with modified high low and fog lamps, must have been in the hundreds. But how come they always came in the most critical curves of the road when i had to guess the direction to go?

Yes it was raining and cold which lowered pressure in my tires. Traction control lamp came on many times and i got bad mileage. I made 39 on dashboard for the whole day (230 miles) which would be about 37 at the pump. But i have more power at the gas pedal after replacing those spark plugs.

When i got back to Gresham on 212 i saw a BMW comming from the opposite with stock lights and high beam on and it was like nothing, i could just stare right at it, it was like ten times less compared to what i faced up in the woods of Mount Hood where at times i could barely see the yellow line on the right of the lane due to blinding from incoming.

11:11 When i went to Romania in April 2004 (the only time in 31 years) it was all over the news. Still awaiting trial? Which reminds me of... Also of... Narcis Tarcău is from Bacău and was working in an office next to mine at xIMU. Most likely there are not real Romanians but Hungarians. No, Julian Mart, my colleague at xIMU was not Gregorian Bivolaru though he looked somehow similar. He did yoga too in college.

 

I personally was initiated (i think) in ascetic Sadhu yoga by my roommate Gabriel without me knowing or willing after one day he put me in a trance after he forced me to sleep only 4 hours a day for months, reading books, both walking naked in the room, eating little food, he gave me a new, secret name and asked me to do a small job for him every day etc. I will come with more informations in my biographic notes, chapter II, High School.

Interestingly enough in historical Bukovina there is a place called Sadagura (which may stand for Sadhu guru which might have been called millennia ago, when in Romania it was spoken Sanskrit) and another place called Sadova within walking distance from where i was born (and where i almost had that bicycle accident).

The grandmother of my grandmother who built the house we were all living in was sort of a healer, including immobilizing broken bones with flat pieces of wood (splints) and in Bucovina existed a tradition called Solomonari. 

But if you'd ask me, i'd say they are just part of an ancient culture and genetic group with deep analysis capability of establishing cause-effect relationships.

12:15 Angela has 50 dollars free play, 40 dollars food and one free night at Three Rivers and tomorrow she got a day off (Labor Day).

12:30 Do all country songs sound the same? Is this a gay song?

September 5

12:12 AM Krisztián Vranik White God

6:18 Human consciousness is very small. Probably the reason it can be tricked so easy by the occult that relies on misperception which can be a form of magic though not devine magic.

It may seem that way only because of the degree of abstraction of concepts they trick your mind with and the stakes. When high values are at stake, our judgement capacity becomes even smaller than described below. But this is not want i wanted to discuss right now. I don't want speculate further as why but i think i know.

As i said a few days ago our consciousness may not even reside inside our brain and the communication with it is what makes it so slow. The alignment with the Universal Consciousness.

As one would say, this is what we got, this is what we parade with.

That was the reason even for myself is very hard to encompass in the conscious part of my brain things i have written not long ago, because my emotions nowadays keep me in a different area. The reason they can easily and effectively erase one or entire people's memory with (fake) semantics. The reason i write so poorly and make so many mistakes when i think of things really important.

So yes, i was wondering where i've seen that pose in Botticelli's painting that was generously reminded to me by someone i don't really know and this morning while cooking some breakfast after 4 hours of sleep i had this revelation.

Ok i feel guilty because i'm not being honest. I was cooking those eggs thinking in the same time at her and what i posted last night. Hitler was a (twice failed) art student and obviously not a Freud's patient.

Which proves again and again the deep connections in our pre-history between the far west and Europe etc.. Or was that an infusion that accompanied or triggered the cultural and religious revolution known as Renaissance? 

7:47 I have recently read about the possibility of enlarging one's window of consciousness through magic sex acts in which time they may have answers through revelations or wishes come through by putting "commands" to the Universe. I read once kuji kiri induced deep meditation may do same or even better, attaining what they call in Japan shin shin shin gan or eye and heart of God through which they may shyncronize with other (targets), read their minds or put commands into others' mind.

September 4th

12:30 AM

I have a long time to go (and many fishes to fry) in my semi-chronologic autobiographic notes until i reach the end of college. So i have to come here with a preview i need to prove something.

Under the suspicion that sex magic is an ubiquitous practice in media, cinematography and even news, with more and more sexy "anchors". But first an example. Dee Dee Gatton and her colleague who is even sexier, i forgot the name.

With Dee Dee Gatton i once met at a Walgreens pharmacy recently, she acting as a pharmacist and performing and act of arousal on me. She seemed very open and accessible however she had this peculiar accent, maybe Asian, not present on TV.

But ABBA. There was this woman at CPL Bacău (again, wood processing) where Angela worked in the IT first and then became head of the accounting department while i was still a student, who was a data input operator. However she looked exactly like Frida from ABBA and also seemed not very happy to be there. That attitude made her sort of unattractive though she had a body of a model and everything.

I remember the head of IT department, her female boss was affectionately calling her Baba Nela (old lady Nela), apparently a an allusion to her age and still being unmarried which could have been a play word for me to remember. There was an engineer in the maintenance department Virgil Atonoaiei from Brusturoasa who looked (and talked) like the artist known as Boy George.

Together they once came to a party in 4 in our new apartment. We had a brand new stove in the kitchen and they brought a... whole rabbit and she was very suspicious of the way Angela was handling it to cook, she was looking over her shoulder with an obviously concerned attitude, which surprised me given her official social status. (In other words, very fussy).

We only had furniture in the bedroom and we danced together in there around the bed. But as some point which was pretty early in the evening they chose to leave and in the door he made an allusion, like maybe we could do other things (like swapping maybe).

No it's not only those two songs. There are many others, can mention now though i'm pretty tired, Does Your Mother Know, which is about underage activities.

Truth is, through these guys and many others we are/were fully immersed in sex symbolism, all the time as soon as we start the radio or open the TV or go online. Is that the path they chose for us in the 19th century? Self developing through sex magic?

Talking about ABBA. Yes, i had an encounter with the pretty girl from Ace of Base too, she was acting as an accountant in an Italian timber firm i worked last time in Romania teaching them how to use my accounting app i was selling to firms in Bacău. After the first, probably real accountant left one day and i had to start over.

We were all talking Italian because of the owner and were cooking and eating pasta every day.

Together one day we walked from one end of Bacău (beyond city limits) where that firm was all the way to the other end or Energy street where we lived (yes, this is an occult keyword, see above).

Some 10 miles i guess. We talked and talked and i lost track of time and distance (was i in a trance?).

She was nice and social and easy to talk to and seemed genuinely interested in me. But when we got there at our building i did not invite her in. It was pretty late and Angela was one hour from coming home from work. I didn't want to, she was too nice, too much, would have fallen in love with her.

I remember the day before i got in the plane to leave for the US they called me for a modification (yes i was afraid something could go wrong and did not tell anybody except a few relatives) and Mihai Clivetti, the chief or president of whatever of Bar Association was having a heavy argument with her (yelling at each other) while i was in the other room. Blackmailing was common during those days in Romania.

1:25 Talking about sexual energy. Anybody heard about Wilhelm Reich?

9:30 Ok now i remember. One day the always percolating French teacher (who might have been a real Frenchman) came into class with this theme. "Faites l'amour, pas la guerre". I think he had some postcards of which one i remember, it was with a gorilla or something. He even asked us to write down a one page essay about it (yes of course in French). Yes i remember what i wrote about.

Yeah i guess no matter what and how it's always better to. Make love and not war. I think i stuck with that idea from that day on. But i was just a stupid, overgrown kid with no money and one set of clothes on me. No way he wouldn't have known that.

6:00 Pe când spălam vasele mă gândeam. Cred că a fost corect să spun că pe vremea lui Freud, toată lumea bună din Viena a dat cu subsemnatul subconștientul pe la el?

Ăsta nu e răspunsul pe care l-am cerut, dar e interesant și îl pun aici. Am să reformulez întrebarea pentru AI.

6:15 PM Talking about the golden age. Anybody remembers Gustav Klimt from the news? Ok i think i figured why Klimt was not seeing Freud. Klimt was an alchemist and Freud was not. 

6:45 Sincer pe mine Nicușor Dan începe să mă sperie. Mai este legitim un președinte care nu respectă Constituția?